Forgiveness…
You've been hurt and you've got a grudge. The other person goes on with their life and you are stuck with a big corrosive resentment that's eating you up. Everybody says, "just let go!" But how do you do it? And why should you try?
We know that forgiveness is good for your body, mind and spirit. Studies show that forgiveness reduces stress, lowers blood pressure and reduces chronic pain. Forgiveness lessens symptoms of depression, anxiety and hopelessness. It improves our relationships and gives us a greater sense of wellbeing.
Christians forgive to stretch their soul, to be more like Jesus. In the prayer he taught us we say, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." Jesus then went on to make it an imperative for Christians, "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matt 6:15-16
Forgiveness is not forgetting. When people say forgive and forget, they don't mean we get amnesia. In order for the forgiveness to have value we remember what happened but we let go of the pain.
Forgiveness is not giving in. You don't give your power away to the person who hurt you. You don't have to overlook injustice. The perpetrator may have to face the consequences of their actions. Justice is necessary to right wrongs. Forgiveness is necessary to heal.
Forgiveness is not for the coward; it is for the spiritually strong. Forgiveness is a one-way street; it allows you to move on with your life.
Forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. It frees you from negative and destructive emotions, and helps you heal yourself.
Forgiveness is a grace we first receive from God that we then extend to others. It may lead to reconciliation with the other person or, or we may choose not to be in relationship with that person. That's a choice, especially if staying in contact could open you up to further abuse.
We don't want to rehash the past endlessly; we want to come to an understanding of what happened that lets us move on with our lives.
Usually rather than looking deeply we look shallow and wide. The hurt seems to extend to the horizon of our lives. We need to put a fence around it, see that it is only so big.
Review what happened as objectively as you can. Are we making the person who hurt us the villain in our personal drama and ourselves the victim? When we demonize the other person we dehumanize them. When we see ourselves as just a victim we give up our power to change. We want to move from victim of an injury to victory over the hurt.
This is the most important and difficult step. We are called try to find some common humanity with the perpetrator. We ask ourselves, what was going on in their head? Have I ever done anything similar?
Maybe the best we can do is pity. "That poor sick so-and-so." Or, perhaps, we can feel sympathy; "there but for the grace of God go I." Maybe we can even feel compassion; feel what they feel and want to help.
To forgive we have to see the humanity of the other person. They, like us, are fallible and imperfect. They are capable of acting out of fear and anger. Maybe they are mentally ill or truly immoral. If so, that is a tragedy. We are called to be someone who meets sickness and evil with faith and love.
We can tell the story of the hurt done to us over and over again until we are in a rut that looks a lot like a grave. It's time to put down the shovel and get a ladder to climb out of the old story.
It helps to tell the story to a healer -- an insightful friend, a religious counselor, a professional therapist, someone who can help us to reframe the story and come to a new understanding.
We can also bring our story to God in prayer. We invite God in to re-mind us, that is, to give us a renewed mind. We want to see what happened from God's point of view because from God's perspective the story can end with healing.
Our stories shape our souls. A story that ends in bitterness and revenge is a tragedy. A story that ends in forgiveness is a redemption story. We see ourselves as overcoming adversity.
We can decide to forgive, even if we don't feel like it. The person doesn't deserve the gift of forgiveness, but we give it anyway. We make a free will decision to renounce our right to revenge and not to harbor hateful thoughts toward the other person.
The gift of forgiveness is a small miracle, a grace from God. We can do it because we have first have been forgiven by God.
After we make a decision then we can grow into emotional forgiveness. As we let go of our hurt feelings and don't seek revenge then we may find our feelings following our decision. We may start to feel more understanding toward the other person. We move from wanting revenge to hoping that they fare well in life. It helps to pray for the other person.
But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father. Matt 5:44
One helpful way to develop empathy for the other person and to change our feelings about the other person is to pray for him or her.
· Opens you to God's power to help you.
· Invokes God's help for the other person.
· Demonstrates your willingness to forgive.
· Softens your heart toward the other person.
· Moves you from selfishness to generosity.
I've found there are stages of praying for the person I resent.
Admit I would rather curse him than pray for him.
Pray anyway, through gritted teeth.
Pray they get what they deserve.
Pray that God will give them what they need.
Pray God will bless them as God wants to bless them.
I make it a habit that whenever a revenge thought comes in my mind, I pray for the other person. I keep praying until malice turns to charity.
We let go of the hurt and hold onto the healing, but; the hurt may come back, especially when we interact with the perpetrator. When the hurt reasserts itself, we reassert our decision to forgive and pray for the person who hurt us.
Forgiveness is a daily decision and a way of life. Our goal is to become a more spiritual person, that is, someone who is growing into the image and likeness of God. The path of that spiritual growth is the way of forgiveness. Each day we take another step on that path; we develop a discipline of running up and down the five steps. Gradually, we find a way to serenity even in the midst of conflicts and personal tragedies.
8 Ways to Stay Thankful in Hard Times
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Being thankful is especially valuable in challenging times. Gratitude is actually medically proven to lift our spirits and improve our health. Discover how a little gratitude can create a lot of happiness in our lives by following these eight simple steps. They are not difficult and they yield amazing results.
Tip #1: Find What You're Grateful For...
The real uncertainty we face about our economic future can make us quite fearful and sad. Locating those things for which we can still be grateful, brings joy even in the face of those challenges without pretending they are not real.
Articulate It
Tell a friend or loved one a story about something for which you are grateful. Don’t be surprised to find yourself smiling by the end of that story.
There's Always More to Be Grateful For
Consider the difference between wealth and value. While material wealth is important, it is not the only source of real value in our lives. We can all celebrate value, even when the material wealth in our lives is taking a beating.
Wealth Begins Within
An ancient teaching reminds us that we are wealthy when we are happy with what we possess.
Happiness and Satisfaction Are Different
We can want more than we currently have and still be happy with what we've got. Wanting more does not have to get in the way of enjoying what we already have. If it does, we will never have enough.
It's All Relative
A person who lives in a $100,000 house in a neighborhood of $75,000 homes experiences living in a mansion. The same house in a neighborhood of $500,000 homes may feel like a hovel.
Help Yourself by Helping Others
The holidays are a great time to reach out to other people in need. And helping others address their needs is one of the best ways to relieve the anxiety we may feel about our own.
We All Have Something to Give
No matter how difficult our circumstances may be, we can all offer support to those around us. Whether it’s a penny, a dollar, or much more, the act of giving always makes us feel as if we have more than we thought we had.
Prayers for Hard Times
Whether you've been laid off or are worried about your economic future, these prayers from Christian clergy and authors give voice to the great difficulties many people face, but they also remind us that God is always reliable, no matter what the circumstances.
Please
By James Martin
O my God,
I know that you love me.
And I know that you want me to be happy, safe and secure,
But sometimes it's so hard to find you in all my troubles.
I know that there are many people worse off than me,
But please help me with my problems.
I'm so worried, God.
Please help me find the support I need.
Please help me not to worry too much.
Please help me to be humble enough to accept help from others.
Please help me to stay away from the "what ifs" and the "if onlys."
Please help me to remember to help others, even when I still need help.
And please help me to trust in your loving kindness, your care and your grace.
Because I know that you love me, and you know that I love you.
And if all you want to give me right now is your love,
Please let that be enough for me.
Amen.
God’s Healing in My Financial Matters
by Jackie M. Johnson
"I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will guide him and restore comfort to him."
-Isaiah 57:18
Lord, I ask for healing in my financial life. I have not always done right, and circumstances have put me behind-but I want things to be better. I ask that You would restore my marriage relationship as my husband and I seek to work through our conflicts over money. I ask that You would guide me in the wise us of my resources and replenish what I have lost. I want to honor You, Lord, and be a blessing to others.
Prayer for Strength and Faith
By Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway
Prayer for Strength and Faith In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray,
Dear Lord, see me through these hard times.
In these troubling times,
I am filled with unspeakable fears.
I reach out my hand to you now,
And ask you to walk besides me.
I cannot carry all my burdens,
But I know you can, and will.
Please walk beside me.
Please guide me.
Please help me hold on strong,
Through the trials and storms.
Help me hold on to my faith,
In even the darkest hour.
Stay with me Lord,
And show me Your way.
In your love and Holy Spirit I abide.
Amen.
Spirit of Light and Love
By Forrest Church
Spirit of light and love,
Creator and Sustainer, God of many names,
Sometimes the burdens I shoulder feel like more than I can bear.
I am terrified I shall break under their pressure,
My wallet flattened,
My hopes broken,
My dreams in dust,
My mind staggering,
Under the crushing weight of uncertainty.
As I struggle with my fears,
And work to hold my creditors at bay,
As I fight to regain a financial foothold
And hope against hope
To reverse my fall,
Uplift my heart, oh God.
Rekindle my faith.
Make me mindful of thy many gifts,
Lest, overwhelmed by the threats to my well-being,
I forget them,
And I forget you.
This is my prayer: to pray for what I have,
To pray for health, if I am graced with health;
To pray for love, if blessed with loved ones,
Who offer me the priceless gift of love's embrace.
Remind me to pray, if I am blessed to be a parent,
for the treasure of children;
To pray for the wealth of friends,
who stand beside me through my bleakest days,
And share my pain.
In this veil of tears and trouble,
Raise my sights to look out upon the many beacons,
Shining their light upon my life.
Remind me to give thanks for those,
Who reach out to take my hand,
Who walk with me and stand by me,
Who raise my spirits by their presence,
Whose smile brightens my view,
And lifts my heart,
And gives me joy.
For if I pray for the wonders that are mine
To savor this very day,
These, the most precious, of my prayers will come true.
I shall again unwrap the present,
Give thanks for thy many gifts.
My lifeline will be strengthened,
My perspective widened,
And for one brief, shining moment,
The shadows will lift from my heart.
So it is I offer up my thanks.
So it is I utter forth, oh God,
From the depth of my soul,
This grateful prayer of gratitude and praise.
Dealing with Debt
by Jackie M. Johnson
"I call on the LORD in my distress, and he answers me."
-Psalm 120:1
Lord, I need help. My debt is mounting higher and higher; it’s getting out of control. Please show me creative ways to pay it off, and help me to save and spend with wisdom. I ask for the resources to pay down my credit cards, loans, and other debts. Show me where I can cut back on spending so I will have more funds available. Lord, please clean up this mess I’ve created. Reveal to me ways I can learn from this and begin again.
Prayer for a Married Couple’s Finances
by Jackie M. Johnson
"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."
-Matthew 6:24
Lord, we ask You for wisdom and harmony in our financial life. We choose to serve You, God. Forgive us when we have been selfish, when we’ve gone to extremes of spending or hoarding. Heal us when we need restoration in our finances. Help us not to argue, but to learn better ways to communicate-to be honest and to seek to understand the other person’s perspective even when we may not agree. We thank You for the ways You have provided and for Your amazing answers to prayer!
A Thankful Yet Fretful Heart
Dear Lord,
I come with a thankful, yet fearful heart; thankful for your generous provision in the past, yet fearful of the uncertainty that surrounds me today. In the midst of this trial I ask not only for my daily bread, but also for my spiritual bread – the faith to wait patiently when your timing is not my timing – the wisdom to know the difference between my wants and my needs – and the gratitude that flows from remembering that every good and perfect gift I’ve ever received has come from your hand.
A Prayer for Our Economic Times
O Lord God,
As I survey the stormy economic seas troubling our nation,
Troubling me, my family, my friends, my community,
I ask Lord that we may steady ourselves in these winds of change,
By reaching out to you, being stronger servants.
O Lord God,
You banished Adam from the garden for disobedience.
You told him to work with the scare resources of the earth.
I ask Lord that we may learn to manage our resources more wisely,
By reaching out to you, being wiser stewards.
O Lord God,
You told the rich young ruler to give everything up and follow,
You understand the material walls we build to shut you out,
I ask Lord that we may constantly seek to break down the barriers,
By reaching out to you, being better disciples.
O Lord God,
You provide all that we need to live a life fulfilled,
You never abandon us even when we are selfish and foolish,
I ask Lord that we may see the wealth we have in you,
By reaching out, being dependent only on you.
O Lord God,
You sustain your faithful people through good times and bad,
You know when we fail and when we are faithful to your will,
I ask Lord that we may show the Gospel in the midst of economic confusion,
By reaching out to you, being beacons of your Word.
Joy in Giving
by Jackie M. Johnson
"Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."
-2 Corinthians 9:7
Lord, I thank You for Your blessings. Whether in plenty or with little, I want to be a cheerful giver. I desire to give from a full heart that serves, no reluctantly or with complaining. I long to see Your money used in ways that will bless others-through my tithing at church, giving to mission organizations, or helping the needy. I choose to give at whatever level I can-and I ask You to bless it.